I changed it up this year and added colour to indicate when I began to slip away from the version of myself that I liked, the me that was confident and outgoing and successful, before I spiraled hard into a pit that digs itself deeper and deeper every year. It was staggering to see how long I've been fighting to get back on track and disheartening to feel like I can't escape this dark place I'm stuck in. On the best days I feel like my art is soulless and dead and has been for almost a decade now; on the worst days I'm so tired of trying and fighting that I want to roll over and give up. I can't see any hope.
I know I'm overly critical of my own achievements. I feel like 2021 has been a depressingly slow year for art, with most of my pieces drawn at the beginning of the year and all drying up completely in the last few months, and can't forgive myself for it despite being in the midst of starting a new job, relocating to a new country, deaths in the family, and the ongoing struggle to find a place to live. But I was finally able to go back to therapy, I was diagnosed officially with ADHD, and I will begin the process of medication next year. I hope once I settle down properly I'll find time to just breathe and then maybe--just maybe--I can learn to love myself and my art again.
Thanks you guys for all the love and support, especially through such a tumultuous year as this. Everyone's been slogging shit and it means a lot that we can be here for each other through it all. Keep on fighting the good fight, and I'll see you in 2022.
- Athena (Sak)
Artwork © Shamine Athena King