Depression is not a physical demon you can fight. It's amorphous, it's abstract, and it's everywhere. It's smoke in an icy lake, filling that emptiness inside you with a chill you can't warm up. It's a hollow void stretching endlessly in all directions, with no shore to swim to.
Since leaving the psych ward I have been taking medication and attending weekly GPM sessions to deal with symptoms of BPD, but it's slow going and often I feel like I'm crawling back to rock bottom. I try very hard to claw my way out, but I was already at the end of my tether by the time I was diagnosed. Some days it feels like I'm treading water on borrowed time.
The icy chill is almost comforting after so long in its embrace. It reaches up and promises you it'll be okay.
It promises relief at the end of the tunnel. An end to the suffering. If you'd just drift beneath the surface. Just for a moment.
And it's exhausting to keep your head above water.
Sooner or later, you want to join them.
- Athena (Sak)
Artwork © Shamine Athena King